Afghan Weddings

Hello,

Recently, there is a lot of talk about weddings in Afghanistan. Most of the talks are about huge expenses that occur in the weddings. Couple of weeks ago, Ministry of Justice announced that they are looking into the weddings and are trying to formulate a law that prohibits such unnecessary expenses. I thought I should give you some information about the weddings and expenses. We were discussing this in one of my classes and many students found it interesting.

First and foremost, there are both types of weddings in Afghanistan- arranged and love.  Arranged marriages are the ones that are thoroughly done by the parents and the bride and the groom see each later. These consists most of the weddings in villages and almost half in the cities. Love marriages are also a custom in cities. However, these are quite different than the love marriages in West. Boys and girls are not really seeing each other but only know each other. In some circumstances, it is possible that they are seeing each other and then till their parents that they want to get married.

The interesting point is that expenses in both cases are almost the same. The issue starts with the boy’s parents going to girl’s house and requesting girl’s hand for their son. Girl’s parents accept the offer and traditionally give some chocolates and candies as a sign of agreement. The next step is to go formally with some relatives and get a formal agreement. The girl's family give a specifically prepared bouquet of flowers and chocolates. The boy has to pay for the expenses. In some cases, the boy pays extra in this occasion so girl’s parents can buy stuff for their daughter when she is getting married.

After this, there will be a formal engagement party. In the cities these parties are in hotels and in the villages these parties are at girl’s house. There will be around 300 to 400 guests in the engagement party. The boy has to pay for the expenses. In addition, you need to have a live band to sing. Furthermore, the boy has to pay for the clothes and jewelries of the girl. Now you are formally engaged!

People mostly wait a year or a year and half from engagement to marriage. During this period, there will be some cultural celebrations such as New Year, EID, and so on. The boy has to take clothes and sometimes jewelries for the girl.

Then it is time for marriage. The marriage ceremony is almost the same like the engagement with a different that there would be around 1000 guests attending it. Surely, the boy has to pay to feed them all. In addition, you need a live band to sing for you. Furthermore, the boy has to buy clothes for girl and girl’s closest family members.

Many times, boys would be in debt for many years until they pay back the money that they lend for their marriage. However, guests really enjoy all the events. There is free food; free music and you can dance as much as you want. It is fun to be in someone’s wedding.

However, be careful if you are planning to marry and Afghan girl.  

Regards,

Javid